RSS

Category Archives: Everyday Practice

I WAS Built for Routine

I just came across this meme on Twitter. Gosh, I just love following Tiny Buddha.

With this quote, however, I was left thinking: Yes! I totally agree…except for the first part about not being built for routine.

Routine works super well for me. I am an extremely regimented person and find great comfort, support, and nourishment in upholding my daily habits, schedule, and regular constitutions.

Last weekend, I was watching a Dharma talk on Youtube given by Sister Tu Nghiem in the Plum Village tradition. She said:

“The lifestyle that Thay created for us at Plum Village involves balancing four aspects of our daily life: mindfulness practices, study, service to the community, and play – and I’ve added relaxation, and maybe that’s a way of playing also.”

She said that following a schedule gives them solidity and that by living with this balance they have more inner peace and freedom from stress and worry. She then referenced a Brother’s recent metaphor of how their schedule is like the spinal column – it’s the backbone providing stability and yet it is also flexible. Changes happen. And yet when changes happen, everything is held together.

I resonate very much with what she shared. Personally, I’ve experienced a number of people who seem terribly resistant to developing routines and schedules. It tends to be that these people also have trouble committing to making plans and confirming their attendance at events and gatherings. Often, they also have a habit of being chronically late to things that have a set start time. I think there are a few factors at play here. One being that they’ve deemed it uncool and/or lame to set up and maintain a schedule – and partly this is due to a perpetual immaturity that pervades our western societal landscape.

This isn’t to say everyone is built for routines and schedules and should get on board with such things. Different things work for different people and this is super important to keep in mind. There’s no one mold that works for all of us – and thank goodness for that!

I think what makes the above meme a little bit troublesome is that it implies there isn’t a way to have both realities happen simultaneously: one that involves routine AND one that involves skinny dipping and sleeping under the stars and 2am conversations that shatter your walls.

This meme is also a little judgy. There’s a subtle biting undertone to it. One can have a routine and also not be into trite conversations or working in an office. One can work in an office and sleep under the stars. And there’s nothing wrong with being content whilst working in a building. There’s all sorts of mix and match ways we can be content in this one splendid life we’ve been given. There’s no one rule book to follow that results in a happy life.

And if we’re not into fake smiles and surface small talk, that’s cool. If it’s something we’re bothered by and find to be a standard mode of operation then we have the opportunity (and responsibility) to affect change and do something about it.

I think this meme, while well intended, misses the mark and potentially waters the seed of cynicism in an already quite cynical counter culture. Because the thing is, stuffy buildings and fake smiles and routines are real. They are part of life. And ultimately, there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of those things.

With our thoughts we make the world, and these we have the power to change at any time. It’s not what’s happening around us that causes our dissatisfaction, it’s how we regard it and relate to it.

Advertisements
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 16, 2019 in Everyday Practice

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Interbeing, part 3

It’s one thing to say We’re all in the together or We’re all interconnected or We are not separate from one another, and a whole other thing to truly understand, actively engage in, and PRACTICE enfolding the truth of our interbeing nature into our daily lives.

If we don’t learn, investigate, and actively use the tools given to us in the fluid art of cultivating mindfulness, we run the very high risk of getting caught in theory, intellect, and notions. It’s super easy to read about mindfulness. It’s super easy to call ourselves a practitioner or a Buddhist or whatever label that tickles our fancy (spiritual, seeker…). It’s even easy to say we understand what the heck mindfulness is, when in actuality we have no freakin idea and are doing little to nothing in the taking action department.

There are a lot of things that sound good in the context of our practice tradition (by which I’m referring to the Plum Village tradition based in the teaching of Thich Nhat Hanh). Here are a few examples: mindfulness, interbeing, letting go, compassion, true love, ease, joy, liberation, transformation. These sound great right?! What lovey concepts! Ah. But they are NOT concepts in the realm of our tradition. As practitioners we must work to dislodge these and other teachings from being mere concepts/ideas that sound nice and turn them into workable, actionable turnings of body, speech, and mind.

What does it mean to look with the eyes of interbeing, as our practice encourages us to do? A big part has to do with our becoming observers of our physical, mental, and emotional landscape – and then eventually moving from observer to a dutiful and faithful guard of the Four Kinds of Nutriments that fuel and propel us: edible foods, sense impressions, volition, and consciousness. In order to look through the lens of interbeing we must be able to look clearly and accurately inwards, at our own selves. We cannot do the work of connecting deeply with others and dissipating our divisions of separation if we’ve not learned how to properly get in touch and grow familiar with our own person.

The Buddha said that everything needs food in order to survive. Nothing can survive without nourishment/food. In order to develop our ability to engage with the world from a place of interbeing, we must be firmly in touch with what input we’re allowing to enter through our body and mind and the heart of our experience. As two of the nutriments in particular can often pose some confusion (volition & consciousness), I would like to offer my own spin:

Read the rest of this entry »

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

52-Weeks of Thank You’s

Typically, I’ve waited until either mid-year or the end of the year to share the new mindfulness practices I’ve taken up at the start of the new year, but I thought I’d share this one fresh out of the gate.

Inspired by an idea on the RandomActsOfKindness.org website, one of the new mindfulness exercises I’ve embarked upon for 2019 (as I like to enfold 2-3 new practices at the start of each year to help keep my practice fresh) is 52-Weeks of Thank You’s. I penned my third one this morning.

At first, I thought 52-Weeks of Thank You’s was synonymous with 52-Weeks of Gratitude but then as I thought more about it, I started wondering if maybe they were slightly different.

Saying: “I’m grateful for _____” is not the same as saying: “Thank you for ______.” There’s an energetic difference. One focuses on the self, as in: I am grateful for such and such, whereas the latter focuses on the other person, as in: Thank you for such and such.

As I was interested in focusing on the person I would be sending the note to, I decided to stick with calling it 52-Weeks of Thank You’s.

Prior to embarking upon this new practice, I wrote out the full list of names to send thank you’s to through the whole of 2019. Before I got into the swing of it, I had trouble coming up with who I would send thank you’s to. But once I got rolling and into the spirit of it, I wound up easily coming up with 52 names and then I ended with being disappointed that I had run out of weeks and had way more people to include. And not only did I include individual friends and family members but I also added a handful of organizations and local businesses. Another criteria I’ve set for myself is that each thank you note will be sent old school, via the U.S postal service. While sending email thank you’s would be far less time consuming and resource intensive, there’s something important that gets conveyed when someone takes the time to handwrite a card/letter/note and send it.

I made these labels to attach to each thank you note:

 

3 down – 49 to go! :)

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

On Sexual Energy, part 2

In the Third Mindfulness Training on True Love, the words sexual misconduct are used. When it comes to working with our sexual energy and/or considering alternate ways to date and be sexually active without true love and a deep, long-term commitment made known to my family and friends, it’s important to unpack what sexual misconduct means. From my point of view, while the training warns against us engaging in sexual relations without being in a mutually committed and love-filled relationship, I think there are ways that it can be done – though I also think it’s far more likely that more harm than good will be done, as most people aren’t on the same page when they enter into a sexual relationship and much flies under the radar and goes unspoken.

 

On dictionary.com, misconduct is defined as: improper conduct; wrong behavior. Well that doesn’t help very much does it? As soon as I read that definition, I thought: Improper by whose standards? and Wrong by whose moral compass? These are very relative and subjective words. When I looked up the word improper, I scrolled down the page and found this sentence:

Improper has a wide range (of synonyms), being applied to whatever is not suitable or fitting, and often specifically to what does not conform to the standards of conventional morality.

So, let’s say we define misconduct as an act which does not conform to the standards of conventional morality. It’s a little more to go off of but I’m thinking this still doesn’t help us very much.

Perhaps it would behoove us to simply come up with our own individual working definition of what misconduct means instead. I think this could be a good place to start for those of us who are interested in delving into this subject more in our own daily lives, as mindfulness practitioners. I think the chances are good that we’ve all had experiences that have shown us what doesn’t work for us on our end. If we were to put some intentional time into coming up with a list of actions that we ourselves consider to be sexual misconduct, it might start angling us in the direction of thinking, speaking, and acting with more awareness and skillfulness, as we’ve moved a critical component of working with sexual energy from the subconscious to the conscious mind. Recognition is always the first – and in my opinion the most important – step in transformation.

As a married woman, I might define sexual misconduct as any act that I feel the need to either hide, keep secret, or lie about to my husband. If I were single, perhaps I would define sexual misconduct as any act motivated by desire-filled impulsivity or a heightened sense of grasping. And if I were someone who was both single and drank alcohol, I would further include that any sexual act fueled by alcohol constituted as sexual misconduct as well.

I see the wisdom of enfolding the energy of True Love into the realm of working with sexual energy. If we solely used the guidepost of True Love to dictate our usage of sexual energy and actions in regards to having sex, we would save ourselves and others from a lot of heartache and hardship. But in being acquainted with a lot of folks on the single-scene and seeing how difficult it is to find True Love, I do think it’s worth investigating other ways to work with this Mindfulness Training that might be more fitting to one’s current reality. I think it’s important that we not get stuck in extremes when it comes to anything.

If we’re single and having a hard time meeting someone we feel compatible with and we’re also experiencing the effects of our sex drives amping up – or we’re in a committed relationship and our partner’s sex drive is currently in low-gear and ours is on high, which is a thing that happens – how do we practice learning appropriate ways to take care of my sexual energy, as the Third Mindfulness training says?

Seeing that body and mind are one, I am committed to learning appropriate ways to take care of my sexual energy and cultivating loving kindness, compassion, joy and inclusiveness – which are the four basic elements of true love – for my greater happiness and the greater happiness of others.

Read the rest of this entry »

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 10, 2019 in Everyday Practice

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Being A Tourist In Costco

Yesterday, for what was the second time in my life, I went to Costco. Mike and I were recently gifted with a membership card from a good friend of ours and we decided to venture in and get the lay of the land.

It’s worth mentioning that neither of us wanted to go to Costco on a Saturday afternoon. But I’d been putting off my inaugural visit since receiving the card, which was about 2-3 weeks ago, basically because I’ve allowed Costco to frighten me. I needed Mike to go with me the first time in with a membership card – and with his work schedule that meant we had to go on a weekend day, when everyone and their dog would be there.

We were like strangers in a strange land, upon entering the doors of our local Costco. Here was a place that pretty much everyone we know goes on a regular basis and we were like greenhorn country folk entering a big city for the first time, eyes wide and heart racing.

Soon after we landed inside the store, Mike made a really helpful observation. He said: We’re like tourists! His statement changed my whole perspective. I love being a tourist in a new town. Being a tourist means that I’m open, receptive, interested in, and curious about my surroundings. So I got my tourist on and it changed everything.

As we strolled leisurely up and down the aisles hand-in-hand, we noticed how easy it was to get pulled into wanting to buy things we didn’t really need. We found great entertainment in discovering what items were placed in the same aisle – our favorite being the aisle displaying toilets directly situated across from boxes and bottles of Cabernet. And we felt a wave of relief and satisfaction that we were able to leave the store, after roaming around for an hour, empty handed.

Now that we made the inaugural plunge, I’ll go back solo at some point and purchase a few things. And I’ll practice to keep my tourist energy alive when I do, as that proved to be a really helpful support in doing something I super didn’t want to do.

I’ve said it many times before and I’ll keep saying it: everything takes practice.

Here are some additional pics Mike took of me being a tourist in Costco:

Read the rest of this entry »

 
4 Comments

Posted by on January 6, 2019 in Everyday Practice, Fun

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

On Sexual Energy

True Love

Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivating responsibility and learning ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. Knowing that sexual desire is not love, and that sexual activity motivated by craving always harms myself as well as others, I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without true love and a deep, long-term commitment made known to my family and friends. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct. Seeing that body and mind are one, I am committed to learning appropriate ways to take care of my sexual energy and cultivating loving kindness, compassion, joy and inclusiveness – which are the four basic elements of true love – for my greater happiness and the greater happiness of others. Practicing true love, we know that we will continue beautifully into the future.

True Love is the third of the five mindfulness trainings as part of the Plum Village tradition led by our root teacher Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh.

Over the past year or so, I’ve been hearing – both directly and indirectly – from more and more sangha members, an increasing inquiry centered around how to date. And more appropriately: how to date well and skillfully, as a mindfulness practitioner.

When I first started hearing these ponderings from folks, I thought to myself: I have no freakin idea. And furthermore: I’m not sure I can ever offer anything on this particular topic, given that I’ve been married since I was 20-years-old. Isn’t is rather like the old adage to never get a haircut from a bald barber? Who wants dating advice from a seasoned married woman who’s dating history consists solely of being really poor at it from age 15-19?

But as is often the case for me, things have been percolating. I’m a s..l..o..w percolator. I often need time to digest and absorb things, in order to figure out how best to approach situations.

Oftentimes I’ll rotate a particular matter back and forth between the front burner and the back burner of my conscious thought process – and then at times I move the matter onto a whole other backup stove I have located in some other room, where it’s still simmering but more removed from my mental sight. Depending on the matter at hand, this might happen for weeks or months at a time before I feel as though I’ve landed on some insight or clarity into the subject.

Last week, on my way home from the market, some ideas starting taking shape as to what I might have to offer on the topic of dating. An insight arose: in between the lines of people wondering how to date well, is an underground inquiry about how to properly work with sexual energy. What people are really wondering about is how to engage in having sexual relations, especially outside of a long-term committed relationship and/or when true love is not part of the deal.

Read the rest of this entry »

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Starting Small to Work Big

This morning, when I pulled in close to inhale deeply the smell of my breakfast banana, I was transported to a vision of the ocean shimmering with light and lapping on the shore next to a grove of banana trees.

While chewing its soft fruit with my eyes closed – so as to more fully appreciate and connect with it – I pictured farmers, transporters, shipping containers, and store stockers. All those who spent many a hard day’s worth of work in making it possible for this banana to appear, as if by magic and mystery, in front of me.

We need to start small in order to work big. If I am unable to truly appreciate the banana I eat each morning, how can I possibly set to the task of being deeply grateful for this one precious life?

 
 

Tags: , , , , , , ,