When The Going Gets Tough

penned on Saturday February 26th, 2022

To help me process my own inner stress levels – and perhaps as a bonus help dispel the myth that you, dear reader, might have built up around every aspect of a monastery always being easy-going and serene – I’d like to share a little bit about working in the registration office (RO) here at Deer Park Monastery (DP), where I am currently residing.

Assisting in the RO here is what I would consider a “next-level practice,” by which I mean: advanced practice skills are required in order not to have a meltdown. In order to step into next-level practices, it’s necessary to have a strong proficiency in the foundational elements of the practice. It’s not a good idea to try to step into next-level environments or situations without developing a solid base from which to draw on and return back to when the going gets tough. 

We’re in crunch mode here in the DP RO. We have a sea of work to do and limited time in which to do it. Between DP’s one full-time and rockstar office employee and myself as a part-time volunteer assistant, we are just keeping our heads above water right now. For the next week or so, I imagine it will be similar to the week after Thay passed away and we hosted a full 7-days of ceremonies open to the public. I spent 40-hours in the RO that week. Normally the RO is closed on Sundays and Mondays, but I reckon I will opt to work those days because of the large volume of work there is to do. Have I mentioned this is a whole new experience for me? I’ve never worked in an office environment before. I’ve never spent hours-long shifts glued to the computer in work-mode. I’ve never had to bounce back and forth between answering phone calls and responding to emails and entering information into a database, while also routinely fielding requests from live humans coming in through the door. If you’re not an Olympic level multi-tasker, this work could eat a person alive. Mad skills of switching gears quickly and tending to eight different things simultaneously are needed. 

So very many jobs and career fields are like what I’ve just described. Translation: I’m appreciating learning firsthand of just how taxing and draining it is to 1) sit in front of a computer screen all day and 2) be in the business of what essentially equates to customer service. Interfacing with the public all day long, day in and day out, is the work of angels you guys. No joke. Be good to those whose livelihood involves talking with people on the phone and/or IRL: store clerks, restaurant staff, customer service phone operators, the list goes on and on. 

Taking Refuge In Our In-Breath

In the catch-all closet inside the tearoom – here in Solidity Hamlet at Deer Park Monastery – is a stack of past editions of the Mindfulness Bell magazine. I’ve been enjoying reading them. The most recent one I read was the summer edition of 2004. In it are two articles I especially enjoyed, one from Thay (aka Thich Nhat Hanh), entitled: Taking Refuge in Your In-Breath and one from Dharma teacher Larry Ward, entitled: Be a Real Human Being. 

My favorite lines from Thay’s article:

“If you want to show your kindness to Thay and the Sangha, take refuge in your in-breath and become fully yourself. Take refuge in your steps and right in that very moment you will have solidity and freedom, you will have the capacity of getting in touch with the wonders of life…

“...We know that the first expression of enlightenment by our ancestral teacher Linji was, “Oh I see, there is not much in the teaching of my teacher.” If you can tell that to Thay, you are a good student. Thay only teaches breathing in and breathing out.”

My favorite lines from Larry’s article:

“If you want to do something with your life, be a real human being. If you want to do something for your children, your grandchildren, be a real human being. If you want to do something for America, be a real human being. In everything you need to be a real human being. And it’s already inside of us; it’s in every cell of our body. However, we have to be trained to develop it, cultivate it, and to apply it. This is one of the Buddha’s fundamental insights - that one has to be trained to live deeply. Most of us assume you have to be trained to be a doctor or a nurse or a pianist or a schoolteacher or a cabdriver or a cook. The idea that we have to be trained to live profoundly, seems to have never crossed anybody’s mind! You have to be trained to live. It’s one of the Buddha’s fundamental insights, and that training is lifelong.”

For me, these two passages compliment each other very nicely. As a student who dearly loves and respects my teacher Thich Nhat Hanh, his line prompting me to take refuge in my in-breath and to become fully myself as an act of kindness towards him and my sangha caught and held my attention. I’ve been reflecting on that line in particular for a couple of weeks now. And how is it that I can become fully myself? I can be a real human being. 

A Regular Ole Journal Entry

Deer Park Monastery

Signs of spring are appearing here at DP. The cooler temps at night and in the mornings are warming. When I went to sit in the Small Hall early this morning (a location like most others here which is not typically heated), the thermostat inside read 62, up from a common 52 over the winter months. I am also starting to notice the presence of more flowers in bloom around the monastery. There also seems to be more bird activity and chattering in greeting of the morning sun. This is me still – even after 8-years of coming here annually for varying lengths of time – adjusting to the unfamiliar landscape, seasonal shiftings, climate & weather patterns of southern California. What can I say, Montana runs in my bones. We won’t be experiencing signs of spring back home for another month or so, and even then it will be much less pronounced. 

Today, the Santa Ana winds are blowing warm air in from the nearby and inland desert country. The palm tree in front of our room is rattling against the eave of the roof, creating a ruckus that eventually also rattles my nerves. I spent the last two mornings from 8-12:30 helping in the office but not today. Thursdays I have off. Sundays and Mondays too. Last night I pitched the idea to Mike about maybe going to the beach. And ah! I used the local vernacular! Where I hale from on the East Coast outside of Philly, I grew up going “down the shore.” No one ever said: I’m going to the beach. Here they call it the beach. I rather like the idea of taking a blanket, towel, book, and easy lunch and heading “to the beach” (gosh it still feels strange and odd to call it that). To sit in the sun-warmed sand, stroll barefoot in the surf,  and enjoy the festival of sensory impressions stirred up by the sea. 

Standing Buddha in the Oak Grove at Deer Park Monastery

I am finding it particularly interesting as of late to notice just how fiercely ingrained & upheld the habit energy of fast-paced living is. It’s especially noticeable when coming here to the monastery, the land where everything slows down. Noticing my own propensity to do certain things as though I were in a high-speed race is an interesting observational exercise. To say that it is challenging to maintain a slower pace in the everyday world would be a great understatement. But here it is relatively easy (if you have the chance to be here long enough to settle in and stay awhile). As used to “Faster faster! Now, now! Go go go!” as we are, the act of slowing down takes time. It is particularly entertaining when new people arrive, whether for a Sunday day of mindfulness or a weekend or week-long stay. They move so haphazardly and erratically – so so quickly! And through watching them, I see my own self reflected. I see my own habits and patterns and tendencies. One of the things I deeply appreciate in spending time here is the ability I have to slow down. To have a different way of engaging with the world fostered and supported. To learn and practice the art of simpler, slower living. 

Sangha Building

In the wake of our teacher’s recent passing, I felt inspired to craft this letter to my home sangha, Be Here Now:

Dear beloved Be Here Now Sangha, 

This is me wanting to lend voice to the powerful reality of how what we are doing - this whole meeting every Monday night to gather in a circle to sit; to walk; to share; to breathe together and be fully human together - is incredibly precious and important. 

This is me wanting to remind us all - in case we have forgotten - that what we are doing matters. 

Our practice matters. Our coming together matters. Our presence at sangha matters. Our showing up for one another matters. It matters even to many who are not in the room. 

Let us not be tempted to minimize what it is we are doing here together on Monday nights because of the tendency we have as humans to reduce in value the things with which we gain familiarity and/or have ready-access to. 

Our sangha - our spiritual community - is a rich wonder of life. And every single person who comes through the door, whether once or a dozen or one-hundred times, makes the tapestry of our community stronger and more vibrant. 

Thank you thank you for making Be Here Now Sangha possible. For showing up and offering the gift of your time, energy and presence. There a million other places you could otherwise be and you are choosing to be here, now. And for this I am deeply grateful. 

Dearest sangha, even though I am 1,500 miles away, practicing at Deer Park Monastery in southern California through March, I know you are there and I am very very happy. 

Holding you all closely, 
Nicole Dunn
Founder and co-director of BHN