Be Beautiful, Be Yourself

Thay* has a calligraphy (see above) – and thus a teaching – that states: Be beautiful. Be yourself. And it’s this dharmic thread I am feeling called at present to tug on and see what emerges. 

With how poetic Thay is, it’s easy for me to sometimes forget that every calligraphy and every teaching – no matter how short and simple – that Thay offers is a deep well of practice. If I’m not careful and attentive, I can sometimes get lost in the poetics of Thay’s teachings and how lovely they sound and feel, without working to find ways to put them into real practice. Be beautiful. Be yourself. is a good example of this for me. 

So lately I’ve been asking myself: What does it mean to be beautiful and be myself? What do I think Thay is guiding me to do on my practice path with this teaching? These are good self-inquiring questions to reflect on as practitioners. 

What comes up for me in relation to this teaching is that to be beautifully myself means to show up honestly, without pretense, and also in concert with my surroundings. Too often I think people can mistake showing up honestly as permission to just do and say whatever they feel like, without employing a filter or care about how our actions or words may impact others. To be our self in the context of Thay’s teaching doesn’t mean we just say whatever comes to mind. It doesn’t mean we let our anger or hurt or frustration or judgements run the show and spill out in whatever fashion we see fit. To be beautiful and be our self means to show up as we are but not at the expense of ignoring those around us.

On the Middle Way

Okay. Ready to hear my percolations regarding my currently active & alive dharmic thread? Buckle up, as today I will be waxing on about the Middle Way. 

I’ve been using this as a writing prompt topic in my paper journal over the last few days and I started off by penning this question: The middle way between what? It’s a good question I think. 

Oftentimes I am not able to locate the exact impetus for what spurs a particular dharmic thread for me, however, in this case, I think I can trace it back to during one of Brother Phap Luu’s Wednesday night classes on the 40 Tenets of Plum Village. He described that interbeing is the middle way between nihilism and eternalism; between thinking we don’t exist and thinking we will exist forever. I’d never heard it phrased that way before and liked the new framing.  Hence the seed of the middle way was planted, and after percolating in my subconscious for a little while, started boring its way to the surface to sprout. 

One current way I am looking at the Middle Way of practice is in the blending of two seemingly opposing sides. Form & feeling; structure & flow; heart & mind; diligence & joy; relative truth & ultimate truth; practice & play; solidity & ease. 

In the Discourse on Happiness, the Buddha teaches that one of the greatest happiness’s is to live in the world with your heart undisturbed by the world. In the context of walking the Middle Way as a mindfulness practitioner, I see this as meaning: do your practice; engage with yourself honestly; till your own field of beneficial seeds, not because someone told you to or to acquire praise or accolades but because you feel in your bones it’s the right thing to do. As Ram Dass says in his book Grist for the Mill: “Just do whatever you’re doing in a way that increases the connection of humanity, the awareness of the inter-relatedness of all things.” And “Use your opportunities in order to awaken as effectively as you can.”

On the Three Complexes

As is often the case when I come on retreat stays here to Deer Park Monastery (where I’ve been residing since mid-October and will remain for a little while longer), dharmic threads often arise for me during our morning sessions of sitting meditation, which I then spend my cushion time happily tugging on to see what unfolds. One of the recent dharmic threads emerging centers on the Three Complexes, which are: the superiority complex; the inferiority complex; and the equality complex. 

Here’s what I have been percolating and reflecting on.

The Buddha spoke and taught about what are called the Three Complexes: the superiority complex; the inferiority complex; and the equality complex. If you decide to pick up this dharmic thread, it’s likely that you’ll discover that you vascillate between the Three Complexes depending on the day or the situation at hand or your own particular mood, though perhaps one is particularly more dominant for you. You may also find, like I do, that you can even experience more than one of the complexes happening simultaneously. 

In short, the superiority complex shows up when we feel or think or act as though we are better than someone else or a group of others; the inferiority complex shows up when we feel or think or act as though someone else or a group of people are better than we are; and in the equality complex, we’re bound & determined to make sure everyone is on the same playing field, often at the great expense of ignoring the reality of our differences. 

To help illustrate the Three Complexes a little more and bring them into context, here are a few ways they can play out. If we’re caught & held in the superiority complex, we might think or say things like: What the hell is wrong with that person? or Oh my gosh, that person is the worst or Why can’t so-and-so just _____. If we are caught & held in the inferiority complex, we might have a high level of self-consciousness, thinking that not only are people often looking at us or focusing their attention on us but are judging or critiquing us harshly, to the point where we might alter or ammend even small behaviors based on what we assume other people are thinking about us. If we are caught & held in the equality complex, we might try to bypass such differences as: skin color, cultural upbringing, sexual orientation, gender expression, age, physical mobility, mental ability, and socioeconomic status with the misguided view that we are all the same and our differences in these areas “don’t matter.” If I as a white, cis-hetero woman think or speak or behave in such a way that reflects the sentiment that I don’t see someone else’s skin color that differs from mine or I don’t see their gender that differs from mine or I don’t see their sexual orientation that differs from mine, not only am I not doing that other person any favors but there’s a good chance I’m doing harm, because I am ignoring and devaluing their lived experience. If I pretend like I don’t see someone else’s color of skin, then I am not seeing them accurately or clearly. 

I find it not only beneficial but critically important to my own practice to stay in active relationship with how I interact with these complexes and how they show up in my life. When I am operating under the guise of one of the Three Complexes, it is not possible for me to experience true ease & joy in my mind/body system, nor is it possible to have a felt sense of unity with others or harmony in the here & now. If we do not identify how the Three Complexes show up for us in our own lives; how & when we get caught & held by each one; we will not make much progress on the path of practice. We cannot experience the fruits of the practice if we are tangled up in any of the Three Complexes.