Energy Returning

It’s been almost 6-weeks since I took the fall that resulted in my 3-part broken ankle. I’m still non weight bearing & rockin crutches and a wheelchair to get around. Over the past week, I’ve been noticing my energy finally returning, which I’ve been so very appreciative of. I’m able to be up out of bed for longer stints now and I’ve even started to do some left-footed driving, so I can take myself to physical therapy and the store to fetch food.

Gosh it sure is hard to give the body time to rest and heal. It is not easy work.

Attitude,outlook, and attention are pretty big elements when it comes to the art of healing, whether in regards to the body or the mind. And with the proper tools and training, it’s possible to learn how to listen to what our body/mind system is telling us in terms of what it needs for support. So often we want to rush the process – we want to speed up the down time we need and get back to “normal.” I’m grateful to be learning, with the help and guidance of good teachers and good friends, that life is here and now. That this so-called normal we’re told exists, and we should constantly be striving to get back to, is basic nonsense.

Life is what is happening in the here and now. This moment – whatever it looks like – this is it.

I’m grateful to be learning how to make good use of whatever happens as a means to understand more about myself and to hopefully grow a little more in my abilities to be skillful and kind.

And sometimes – like now – it’s hard as heck. But having a growth mindset is akin to doing physical therapy to rebuild strength after a big injury. If it’s easy when doing your exercises and you aren’t tuckered out afterwards, you’re not doing them right. In order to regain mobility and function, in order to strengthen, one needs to feel a certain amount of strain. It’s a necessary part of the deal.

The Passing of Time

Since my fall 5-weeks ago, which resulted in a broken ankle and subsequent surgery to install hardware to repair it, in addition to my full time occupation of resting & mending, I’ve been confronted with the very real challenge of having lots of time on my hands but very limited mobility.

Normally at this lovely time of year here in the Rocky Mountains, I would be out riding my motorcycle at every chance, before the temps drop and the snow flies. But that’s out. I’d love to go out for walks or short hikes on local trails, but that’s out. I’d also love to be preparing for our upcoming move and sale of our house in mid-October but most of what needs to be done I’m unable to do. So yep, that’s out too. (Insert sigh sound here.)

On the other hand, I have a great deal of access to activities at my disposal. I am once again thankful that I love to write, so writing is in, especially now that my energy is returning. Staying in touch with friends via email and social media is in. Listening to Dharma talks online and engaging in online summits are in. Watching documentaries and shows and movies is in. Computer based projects, such as one I am currently working on to help commemorate my home sangha’s celebration of 19 years in operation, are in. Reading is in. Drinking tea is in. Sitting meditation is in. Listening to music and playing guitar are in. Sending cards to friends in the mail is in.

So while I’m finding it challenging and sometimes frustrating to be limited in mobility, I’m also able to see and appreciate all of the many things I am still able to do. I find it helpful to acknowledge and make space for the challenges and frustrations to exist, while keeping a close eye on all of the very many things I have to be deeply grateful for. I’m not interested in whitewashing over the upsets and hardships, pretending as though they don’t exist. To me, that’s not what gratitude practice is about. It’s not about thinking: I have so much to be grateful for so I shouldn’t feel X, Y, Z. Gratitude practice, which is a big part of my daily practice, enables me to grow in my capacity to stay grounded when swells and storms roll through. Having a strong base of gratitude isn’t about ignoring the upsets. Having a strong base of gratitude allows me to not ignore all of the conditions I have to be glad and happy.

Maybe Say This Instead

Something I’ve been working on: Coming up with what I feel is a proper response to people when they – out of the goodness of their heart – say something along the lines of: I hope you have a rapid recovery! or Heal quickly! or Hope you feel better fast! or Get better soon!

Here’s the thing: the road to recovery and the path of healing takes time. There is no quick fix or fast-paced approach. Healing is also not a linear process. There will be times when it feels like progress is being made one day only to feel like a step has been taken backwards the next day. This is the way of things. So I’ve been contemplating what I might say that would gently push back against all of the sentiments centered on getting better as quickly as possible, as though the goal were to power through mending my broken ankle at top speed.

Maybe it’s just me, but when I hear folks wish me a speedy recovery, there’s an energetic burden I feel is being saddled onto me in their choice of words. I can feel that person’s anxiety and elevated stress levels coming through. The urgent prompt for me to get better ASAP is not just a little thing people do & say. It’s not just their way of expressing care. Words matter. And, whether we know it or not: words mean something. Every word we use and say and think means something. Every time. Good intentions super matter but they aren’t the whole deal. Just because we mean well doesn’t mean that what we’re saying is helpful or skillful or kind – or even true. 

When I was at the market yesterday, the cashier said something in parting to the effect of: Get better fast! I responded by saying, in a friendly tone (which is SUPER important): Healing takes time. After I said it, I thought: That was pretty good. Sometimes the best answer is short & sweet. 

I’m not interested in making it some kind of race to the finish line here. The faster faster faster approach is maybe great when it comes to running a race, but applying that same mentality to healing is not a good plan.

Dear society: We have a long way to go and much unlearning to do when it comes to knowing how to care well for ourselves & others. The messaging around happiness/wellness/okayness existing sometime in the future is strong.

Next time you or someone you care about has an illness or injury, please don’t tell yourself, or them, to hurry up and get better ASAP. Maybe say instead: May you rest well my friend. May you give yourself all the time you need to heal.

Reiki, Resting & Healing

Chronicles of a broken ankle:

Thursday September 2nd, 2021

Pulsating with the flow of energy,
as the body’s lines blur to form a
sacred accord with the heartbeat
of the universe; all beings past &
present; the radiance of the Earth.

To be open to one’s own healing
journey, not separate from the path
of every other being’s direction of travel,
is to know what it is to be filled with
the possibility of enlivening to a
blooming state of ease.

Rooted and winged at the same time,
I turn myself over to the flow of life’s
rich energy, moving like a river of light
within and all around me.

_________

I wrote the above poem after a remote reiki session I had today with my friend Susan over the phone. Who knew reiki could be done over the phone? I didn’t. Gosh it was a splendid session. She did a lovely job. Since my fall I’ve had 3 sessions of reiki, which brings my grand total of reiki experiences in my life to 4. And I’ve been lucky to have experienced the wonderful benefits of this healing modality from 3 different friends of mine in those 4 sessions. I’m not sure I would’ve tried it out were it not for the fact that I have some good friends who are trained in this craft. Not that I had anything against it. I just don’t think I would’ve been propelled towards it.

My other two reiki sessions after my fall were offered to me by my friend Michael. I had Mike call him while we were in the waiting room at the ER just after my fall. Amid my nearly unbearably high pain levels, as I was sitting in the ER waiting to be seen, I thought of Michael and the beneficial effects of reiki. I needed all the support I could get. The waiting room was packed when we arrived and I wound up needing to wait for over 2-hours just to be seen. With how badly I had broken my ankle, that 2-hours was tortuously long. I hadn’t known his partner Deanna also practiced reiki but they both came to the ER to help support me, which was amazingly kind of them. Michael then came over a couple days later and offered another session to me once I was back home. In all of the 4 reiki sessions I’ve had, from all 3 friends, I have nothing but glowingly good things to say. All 3 friends were well-trained and well-practiced and it showed. Each session left me feeling light, full of ease, and deeply nourished.